The Daily Chronicles of a Stay at Home Mom

I've Moved...

2011-01-08T22:15:00.002-04:00

Hi All -

I've moved over to wordpress! Please check me out at www.thedailychroniclesofasahm.com.

See you there,

Almost 16 weeks

2011-01-08T12:31:00.000-04:00

Secret....

2011-01-08T12:27:00.001-04:00

About 16 weeks ago, I shared that I had a secret but couldn't reveal it just then. Well, after serious boughts with morning sickness cravings, exhaustion, mood swings and sleepless nights due to more frequent trips to the bathroom...can you guess what that secret is?

Barton's Apple Orchard

2010-11-05T00:58:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, we took our annual trip to Barton's Orchard in Poughquag, New York. This year was really exciting because it was the first time that Grant could participate in the day. Barton's is a great place for families and could even prove to be a cool date for you and the hubby too. With open fields, rows of Gala, Macintosh, Red Delicious apples there are plenty of places for the kids to run, hide and play not to mention places for playful couples to hide away as well.

Some of the spoils from our trip were delicious eggplants, apples, cucumbers, green beans and juicy apples. I was really surprised to find so many trees full of ripe juicy apples so late in the season (mid-October).

Eryn was excited to show off her big sister style, climbing trees to pick apples for her little brother. Grant wasn't too bad himself...picking apples from lower branches and from higher places with the help of Dad.

One of our favorite parts of our trips to Barton's are the homemade donuts. We always allow a little indulgence in the the soft, warm, sugary confections. This time we devoured a dozen of the yummy confections on our way through face painting, the petting zoo, imaginary play stations and mingling with all the other families who were there for the day.

As much as I wish and try, the apples were all eaten as healthy snacks rather than becoming part of a delicious apple pie, streusel or some other traditional SAHM baked good. Baby steps ladies....perhaps next year I'll take the big leap and bake a pie....

XOXO

Secret....

2010-11-04T23:59:00.000-04:00

I have a secret to tell you all but you'll have to wait until next time...

Can you guess what it is?

Enough Time...

2010-09-25T15:01:00.001-04:00

The return to work has been quite an adjustment for us all.

Thank goodness for my mom. She's been really helpful lately. She watches Grant during the day, picks Eryn up from school until I get home from work, and has been amazing while helping Eryn readjust to my time outside of home and her new school.

Lately, I've felt stretched thinner than ever and as if I have little time for anything beyond our normal routine and work.

Our six year old, Eryn, has been displaying some unusual (yet familiar) behavior. Tantrums, crying, yelling, bullying her brother and most annoying of them all defying my requests and direction. The defiance typically shows up when I'm in a rush, on time, early morning, late at night, when I have lots of energy, when I'm exhausted, at home, or in a crowded public place. You get the drift...during any hour of the day whenever she feels like it.

Thank goodness for Barnes and Nobles and the Internet.

After some searching, I reaffirmed what I knew...I needed to create more time for Eryn and display a bit more empathy towards her. The new school, new friends, parents away from home, new siblings, etc...it's all very overwhelming!

In any case (without running on) here are my public commitments to helping restore Eryn's behavior by creating more time for her:

- Leave work on time to ensure a consistent pick up time each day
- Never bypass our bedtime story
- Take time to listen to what she has to say
- Respect her age and experience
- Create a more consistent system for rewards and discipline that my husband and I agree to - no more middle of the week "guilt surprises".
- Follow through on my verbal commitments to her (I couldn't count the number of times that I've heard "But...you promised!")
- Prioritize time to do things that Eryn loves, i.e. board games, arts & crafts and family movie night.

Has your little one's behavior ever taken a sudden turn? How did you handle it?

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

2010-09-24T05:13:00.000-04:00

I am feeling really alone right now. It's 5:14 am, I've been up since 4:00am preparing for a meeting this afternoon with my boss and replaying yet another argument with my husband last night.

This time, we fought over the kids. I learned to appreciate very early in our relationship that we were raised very differently and immediately knew, my husband would be the perfect compliment to everything that I wanted in a family.

He's fun, loving, spontaneous, loves and respects his family, friendly and a little disorganized.

My upbringing was very structured. Tidy home, regular routines, a system of earning and rewards and a relatively consistent mother; although void of anything that resembled nurturing and/or loving behaviors. My sisters and I knew there was an underlying purpose of love and care, but it resembled more of a military boot camp rather than a home with three little girls.

My husband's on the other hand was slightly different, tons of love and respect (albeit tough love and respect) and togetherness.

Neither of our families were rich, or able to provide anything more than we needed.

When I had my children, I decided I would be a little different than my mother. I envisioned I would maintain a home that was clean, full of routine, toghterness, love and nurturing, but my husband on the other hand has decided that we should take another road.

Because we didn't have much growing up, my husband decided that he wanted to give our children everything he never had and that everything would always be done "BIG" as he describes it. Routine structure, order and all of those other things that are high on my list of importance fall to the bottom of his.

Okay, so in the middle of this post...he decides that he has to get up and begin cleaning out of sock drawer and closet at 5:30 in the morning....ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

I need a tall glass of wine....

So, my husband and I have to get back on the same page because our lives are no longer moving with the same deliberation and purpose as they once were.

I want to sleep or have quiet me time and he wants to turn on the light and clean....

I want to clean on a Saturday afternoon and he wants to sleep....

I want to put the kids down for bed and he wants to run through the house with Mouseketeer ears from our Disney vacation.

I put the kids in their beds, he takes them out and puts them in ours.

I say one snack per day and he's say three....

I just don't get it....

This is not what Bill and Claire Huxtable did...

This didn't happen in the Brady's house...

What the hell?!!!!!

Well at least I'm not lonely at this moment...and I guess I should take whatever he's willing to do and whenever he is willing to do it...because it may be a long time before he decides to pick anything up again....

Fight!!!!!

2010-09-21T04:05:00.001-04:00

Life has been a bit hectic for our family lately. Who would've thought the most difficult part of my return to work would be the enormous strain it has placed on my relationship with my husband. The adjustment has been rough for Eryn and Grant, but it seems the one who is taking it hardest is my husband.

Eryn has moved on to a new Gifted and Talented school (which I am soooooo proud about). Grant began attending daycare (although only for a short while....he's now with my mom because I was completely freaked out after week 4), Eric has taken an additional ad hoc temp assignment, Sasha our Papillon, has decided that she's on her own and has to walk and feed herself because I am too busy to care for her lately and me who is working to get the rhythm of working again...

Anyway, lately it seems that my husband and I can't stop fighting. The strain of my return to work has definitely created a ton of tension between the two of us, not to mention that we are both too exhausted for any kind of regular intimacy, or that we're lucky if we are awake and at home for more than 2 hours together, during which we are both working to prepare our kids for the next day. I did anticipate a bit of struggle while we each readjusted to a schedule with me outside of the house, but I never thought that it would be this challenging. We fight about pick and drop off of the kids, dinner, groceries, clean-up, weekends, shoes, socks, cereal, shirts, dust, crumbs...you name and we've argued about it lately.

I feel that we are struggling because we need to solidify our schedule, but my husband thinks that I am selfish....

Could I be?

I mean, is it wrong that I am looking for a bit of support while readjusting to working outside of the house?

Is it wrong, that I am trying to make a good impression with my boss and direct reports?

Is it wrong, that I wonder why my husband would completely adjust his schedule and take on an additional assignment separate from his normal 9-5 while I am transitioning back to work??????

Eric and I always see things differently...

How did your family manage when you or your partner returned to work after being at home?

I Miss You All...

2010-09-21T03:33:00.000-04:00

Yikes! It's been so long since I've written. I spent a wonderful NYC summer with the kids...and enjoyed it so much that I've completely forgotten to post! By now, you all likely realize that I am not the most dedicated blogger, but it enjoy it nonetheless.

Well...I've returned to work again, but this time doing something that I really enjoy, but miss my fellow moms in the blogosphere a great deal...

I once believed (and still do) that SAHMhood is a very lonely place, but after returning to work post two years at home and one of two women in my work group with children, I've realized that being a WAHM is also a pretty lonely place. While there are tons of things to relate to with the other young woman at work, the one thing that is most of who I am is a mommy...light years away from their trendy, expensive shoes, night club hopping, cocktail having selves. I definitely relate to that place in time where they exist, but feel much more comfortable in my mommy skin and with other mommys.

How have you all been?

What?

2010-07-11T23:57:00.000-04:00

Eryn: Mom, I need my rabies shot.
Me: Honey, you don't need a rabies shot. You only need a rabies shot if you've been bitten by a dog with rabies.
Eryn: (Thinking) What's rabies?
Me: It's a disease that you get from a dog that attacks your brain and makes you go crazy.
Eryn: (Thinking) Well, maybe that's what's wrong with you. Maybe that's why your eye balls pop out and why you can't stop screaming...
Me: What?
Eryn: Yea, maybe that's why you get angry and start yelling at everyone in the house. Maybe you need to get a rabies shot!
Me: (Blank stare) What?

I can't believe some of the stuff that my six year old says sometimes...but I guess that's how she sees it. What's a mother to do?

Now

2010-07-06T22:24:00.000-04:00

Sorry that it's been so long...I've been enjoying the summer and kids so much that I've been completely negligent of my business and this blog.

Over the last few months, I made a commitment to spend more time in the moment to get the most out of life. So lately, I've been listening, tasting, touching, smelling, reflecting and engaging ME in everything that I do. I've also spent some time organizing so that I can live in the moment and boy has that made life easier!

I've often spent time frustrated or feeling disappointed about some "thing" that I wasn't able to complete off of my Daily or Life To-Do lists. A few weeks ago, I realized that I spent so much time thinking about the "what I would've done differently" and "what I will do in the future" that I was missing everything that was going on around me.

What was the turning point you ask? Well...after multiple pleas for a game of dolls from my six year old, I realized that one day she may not be as eager to spend time with me, and could possibly want nothing to with me, and only everything to do with her friends as most teens do. So, I decided to take advantage of "now" because I may never get another opportunity to do "now" later.

How do you live in the "now"?

Now...She's Gonna Make Him Feel Special!

2010-04-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

Along the "Make Him Feel Special" bit, I had a really funny and coincidental conversation with my cousin today, about an exchange between she and her huband this past Sunday. The following conversation below is based on my memory but you'll get the drift.

Husband: "You don't make me feel loved anymore..."
Wife: "What?"
Husband: "You don't do anything special for me like you used to."
Wife: (Thinking) "Are you kidding me? I go out of my way to do things just for you ALL THE TIME!" (But she says) "What do you mean?"
Husband: "You don't dress up anymore."
Wife: "Well..I'm always with the baby and it makes it some what difficult, but I'll try."
Husband: "And you don't wear heels like you used to."

(So at this point, I'm thinking to myself...this is normal. My husband and I went through this for a bit after the birth of our first child.)

Wife: "Well I'll try but it's kind of difficult with the baby here...you know I don't want to wake him up."

(So at this point, I'm completely confused until...)

Husband: "Well...that makes me feel special."
Wife: "Okay, I'll go buy some new stuff this week."

Can anyone guess what I'll be doing tomorrow?

LINGERIE SHOPPING with my cousin! She's buying some stuff to make her hubby feel special again! (I added this one to the tip box)

I will certainly consider picking something up too (wink, wink) but this is what I did for mine tonight.

What will you do for your hubby?

What If I Were Not There?

2010-04-12T14:23:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago...the most freakishly scary accident almost happened involving my 13 month old son. For the most part, I thought my husband and I did a fair job of childproofing our home and would've never thought of what happened on this day.

As I were straightening up one side of my bedroom and my son played on the other, I heard a sudden cry and what sounded like my son's normal frustration about a toy he couldn't reach. After walking around my bed, I found my son's head and neck caught in the shoulder strap of one of my handbags hanging from the door! I'm sure you could imagine the panic and rush of adrenaline that took control of what I normally call my body! Rushing to detangle him...in typical mother fashion...blamed myself for not considering the strangulation risk a handbag that previously hung from the door by both straps would cause. Then I thought "What if I were not there?" With the associated risks of window blind and electric cords...how did I not think of my handbag?

I am sharing this because if you are anything like me you may never think that something like this could threaten your child's safety. You likely run your typical safety audits with some checklist that you found in a book or other source and never in a million years consider your favorite handbag a culprit for harming your child.

A New Friend!

2010-04-12T13:55:00.000-04:00

After a visit from a new friend today, I took a walk over to her place at www.fatnutritionwriter.blogspot.com and in great blogger hostess fashion were welcomed by a wonderfully relevant post! For those who know me, I am very concerned about my family's diet, but often struggle to find new healthy additions to our current diet...probably because it can't be done within 30 minutes! LOL! Well...now I think that I can, by taking a daily trip over to this blog. Oatmeal happens to be one of my family's favorite breakfast foods and despite my efforts to add fruits and different spices to spruce it up, it does become a little boring from time to time. Over at www.fatnutritionwriter.blogspot.com there are a few nice alternatives to your regular bowl of Oatmeal! Also, there are some great health, diet and food safety tips as well. I hope you check her out because I'll be stopping over regularly.

Commitment 1

2010-04-11T10:52:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you went above and beyond to do something nice for your spouse within the last 30 days?

I'm sure that we can all relate to feeling taken for granted or overlooked, but how often do we prioritize our husbands and do something to make them feel special?

Shouldn't we treat them the way that we want to be treated? (I know...you do things all day for everyone in the house.) But is there one thing that you do specifically for your husband on a regular basis to make him feel special? If so, I'd love some ideas.

In general, my husband is a pretty simple guy. He works really hard to take care of our family, doesn't ask for much and rarely complains.

Today, I publicly commit to doing at least 1 thing a week to make him feel special and most important, appreciated and promise to journal my efforts via this blog.

Today, I will let him sleep in (as long as he needs) to recuperate from his long work week.

What will you do for your hubby to make him feel special?

Forgiveness

2010-04-11T08:09:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you forgave someone?

I mean really built up enough courage to set your pride aside, open your mind, your heart, and your spirit...set aside your own perspective to look for deeper meaning in what someone else did or said to truly understand his/her point of view?

I ran into my mother at the supermarket the other day after a 5 month relationship hiatus.

Most of you will likely cringe (as most people usually do) when you read and process that I haven't spoken with my mother in over 5 months, but if you knew all there is to know you might...just might...sympathize.

My mother and I have always had a very strained relationship. Partially for lack of understanding...

Understanding each other's perspectives.

As a child, I could not understand her guarded, stoic, strict and impersonal demeanor and conversely I never felt she understood my basic needs to be loved, nurtured and respected.

As I grew older and learned more and more about her life, I worked very hard each day, to forgive her and help her find deeper meaning in her life and experiences, hoping that together we could heal her broken spirit, which proved a lot more difficult than I thought.

At the onset of our most recent disagreement, I accepted that I may never speak to her again because I couldn't deal with anymore of her outbursts, her lack of respect for me as a daughter, mother and wife and to shield my children from her inconsistent personality.

Day after day, I worked to put my mother behind me and focus on my family and self. But each day that I look at my children, and come up with diversions to my daughter's requests to "go see grandma," it grows harder and harder to release my relationship with my mother.

Deep down inside I know she's been through a lot...but it feels so unfair that I've always been the one to understand and constantly forgive. When does she take any responsibility for our relationship? I guess part of my frustration is around the fact that she never wanted to take true accountability for anything she's done. Not to me, not to my sisters, not to friends...I mean NO ONE.

I can admit that I am angry with my mother, but love her dearly.

I also love my children and make my own mistakes. How big or small, hurtful or not are all relative to them, as my mother's are relative to me. I could never imagine dealing with the emptiness of being without my children. But can I forgive her? How do I do it? When is the right time? Am I doing it for her? For me? For my children? I guess it's a combination of all three. The reality is that my mother may never be able to take accountability for her actions, but I need to release those feelings to become a complete woman and mother. My children need an example of forgiveness. It is my responsibility to help them learn to release what may hold them back due to an inability to forgive. They need an example for healing and moving forward...

Perhaps if I release my mother...I can overcome my constant self-examinations of how good or bad I am as a mother and can truly live, learn and forgive myself and my daily mistakes so that I can really be in the moment with my children.

But how do I do it?

Indulging In Your Passion...

2010-04-11T05:53:00.001-04:00

Here are a few of my attempts at photography and a few of my favorites...sorry that the picture of my son is upside down...but you get the idea...

Indulging In Your Passion...

2010-04-11T05:29:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about indulging in our passions following a challenge from a friend's blog at http://www.inspiremama.com/. Because I truly believe in the importance, as mothers, in taking time to care for ourselves and to prioritize a few of the things that make us happy...I decided that I wanted to share more about my passions via this blog.

A little before my company reorganization, I discovered a few new passions for balloon decorating, arts and crafts and photography. I went to a friend's party who's mother happened to be an event planner and fell madly in love with balloons...I know...but in this recession and after the lay-off my passion turned into something that pays, so who could ask for anything more!

In any case...here are a few pictures of two recent events that I decorated. One was my daughter's 6th birthday party and another was a client's baby shower. I'll do a separate post with some of my photography efforts. I hope you enjoy them and have or find passions that are equally as fulfilling as mine!

If you have some, I would love to hear about them, so please share.

When Was The Last Time That You Enjoyed Something This Much?

2010-04-11T05:05:00.000-04:00

I always have so much fun watching my kids discover and enjoy life. If you're a parent I'm sure you know that children can find enjoyment in the smallest of things that we usually take for granted.

Last month, my son turned 1 and as a treat we allowed him to have his first cone of ice cream. At first, I tried to guide him with a spoon so that he didn't make a mess and I guess on a subconscious level, it was another parental responsibility that I was fulfilling by teaching him about "the way things should be" but he ended up teaching me something...

Now although, I wouldn't stick my head and face inside of an ice cream cone, he reminded me that it is okay to let your hair down, be in the moment and just enjoy something...

When was the last time that you allowed yourself to enjoy something this much?

How Do You Do It?

2010-04-11T04:29:00.000-04:00

Do you ever look around and wonder "Am I normal?"

Do you ever feel like a failure because you can't manage all of the competing priorities that come along with being a mother?

Do your children ever miss homework assignments, dance or soccer practice, eat pizza more than twice in one week, or comment on how "neat Grandma's house is" and how they wish theirs looked the same?

I get lucky some days and can get my daughter to and from school on time, are able to get dinner prepared and can get some other minor things done, but I'm looking around the house as I write and the piles of laundry I were folding over 8 hours ago are still not folded, there are still dishes in the sink, my desk is still a mess and the list goes on...

I felt "okay" earlier in the day knowing that I walked the dog, remembered to feed the kids and made an attempt to take my daughter to the park (she threw a terrible tantrum so we never made it), but I was okay knowing that I tried.

So as I cruise the "Mom Blogosphere" I realize that I may need to step my game up a notch!

How do these women manage to do it all while remaining sane?

Or, are they only sane as they write and go completely nuts when they get up from their computers?

I wonder...

Could anyone share their tips for getting things done each day because God knows that some of us (at least I) can certainly use them.

How do you organize your life?

Have You Ever?

2010-04-10T19:37:00.000-04:00

(I'll keep this brief...since I'm in the middle of folding laundry, fielding my 13 month old who's taking great joy in pulling folded piles to the floor, while reminding my 6 year old about personal space since she seems to forget the definition whenever I sit down at my computer desk...)

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you could taste and feel it with every inch of your being? Fifteen minutes for yourself? A bubble bath? A new pair of shoes? Or, a guilt free purchase for YOU and only YOU during a recent shopping trip?

Well I did...I thought I wanted my old Working Mom/Cosmopolitan Woman lifestyle back.

Recently, I had a wonderful opportunity to return to work outside of home. It didn't exactly work out in the end the way I hoped, but it gave me an opportunity to re-experience the life of a working mom...at least for a day.

Over a 10 hour period, it became frighteningly clear that it wasn't my old life that I missed...

It's very simple.

I just need time for myself and a little personal mental space.

I love my children and couldn't think of any better way to spend my time than nurturing, teaching and loving them.

Nowhere, can I find as genuine, loving and caring connections than at home with my kids...which is where I think I'll stay...at least for now...

Thank you universe for reminding me of what's most important.

When was the last time you realized something wasn't what you thought or hoped it would be (in a good way)?

I no longer feel guilty about...

2010-03-07T09:32:00.001-04:00

-convincing myself that it's okay to add more cereal to the leftover milk in my bowl so that I don't waste it; although it goes against my diet...

-having pizza again for dinner...there's lycopene in the sauce, calcium in the cheese and thiamine in the crust...it's got to be somewhat healthy...

-for handing the kids over to my husband once he's arrived home because I'm exhausted from breastfeeding, singing, dancing and making funny faces all day...

-for being honest with my girlfriend who asked if the shirt she was trying on was too small and suggesting that she go up two sizes...she asked...

-for letting my children watch more tv than recommended so that I can steal some time for myself...

-hoping that my girlfriend doesn't ask me to babysit this weekend...

-not holding a conversation longer than 7 minutes with my mother within the last few months...I can live without her "you need to" advice for a while...

-sneaking cups of coffee; although I said that I would give it up...

-for hiding some of my kids' toys because they make too much noise...

-for teaching my 5 year old to wash dishes in hopes that she'll perfect it by 6...

-using my dog to clean up all of the highchair droppings my 11 month old leaves behind after meals...

-for hiding my favorite snacks in my desk so that my husband or 5 year won't ask for any...

And...

-for liking Yo Gabba Gabba more than the kids...

Moving On?

2010-03-03T00:16:00.000-04:00

I'm beginning to wonder if after 10 short blog entries...whether or not it's time to shut the daily chronicles down and move on to another....

I love to write, but through my writing have realized there is more to me than my daily chronicles while staying home with the kids which I initially forgot when I started writing shortly after the birth of my second child.

I'm probably the most random...non-mom...non kid-focused woman you'll meet. Don't get me wrong...I do a lot to enrich my children through lots of shared time and activity but I lack the attention span to maintain more than one art project every 2 weeks or so (I know...I'll get better...) but we spend lots of time outdoors exploring the city, meeting new people, etc. Okay...there goes that justification again, right?

I love my children and family and wouldn't change anything about the role as mom or wife but as I've said in earlier entries...there's so much more to me...which I would love to write about as well....

I wonder what I should call the new blog...

The Daily Random Chronicles of an Introspective Mother of 2? What if that number turns to 3?

Hmmm....

I need to give it some thought.

There are so many things that I enjoy at any given time...that I want to be careful to not want label or box my blog in.

Perhaps, I could call it Out of The Box (a daily chronicle of one woman's random thoughts while taking care of her husband and kids...

What do you think?

Indulging In Your Passion...

2010-03-01T00:33:00.000-04:00

I know that I am going to regret writing this since it's about 11pm and I need to be up at 4am and also have an angry pile of laundry that needs folding...and tomorrow's dinner needs to go in the crock pot overnight...but I had to write this one...

After baking my first batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies this evening (I know....it warms my cheeks and makes me giggle to say this and admit that I had so much fun), I coincidentally came across a blog entry that a friend of mine had written titled: "Indulging Our Passion" at http://www.inspiremama.com/

I read this entry and reflected on my last post about there being more to SAHMhood...

She hit the nail right on the head.

That post was all about taking care of ourselves as mothers and wives...

Not indulging so much in SAHM/motherhood that we overlook ourselves as woman...

Indulging in the things that we hold near and dear...

Filling up our tanks so that we can continue to take care of the ones we love...

Nurturing our inner and outer selves....

Versus...

Sacrificing who we are and what makes us happy...

She posed a couple of really good questions on her page about discovering our passions which made me think...

What are my true passions?

I think part of my SAHMhood resistance is centered around my upbringing...

A bunch of woman who cooked, cleaned, took care of children, and served their husbands but did little else...

While I appreciate their efforts and how well they've taken care of me...

I always knew that I wanted to do more...

But there is a bit of a woman in me who is passionate about taking care of and nurturing her family's needs...and most important...whose passionate about taking care of herself while forging strong bonds with her children.

(I just want to do it wearing black lace, red lipstick, a fresh manicure and high heels...)

But seriously, tonight I rediscovered my passion for baking that honors a family tradition, shares time with my daughter incorporates my growing passion for photography (I'll take pictures of everything we make) while also creating delicious treats that my entire family will enjoy!

I didn't have on any lace while doing it but...it was a great time!

What's your passion?

While at Barnes & Nobles The Other Day....

2010-02-18T01:11:00.001-04:00

I thought to myself...

OMG...I can't take it!

Are these mothers this happy staying home, cooking, cleaning, volunteering, baking, visiting, planning, chaperoning, hosting, coloring, painting, and doing endless things for their children without thought or mention of themselves?

How long does this degree of selflessness last?

Five years?

Ten?

Twenty?

Perhaps I'm just selfish...

But it just all seems pretty dull after a while...

What do they talk about with their husbands?

What do their husbands think?

Do they find this SAHM thing interesting, or is the honor and responsibility of fatherhood the only thing that keeps them engaged? Would they rather plan their next date night or talk about a new sexy dress and shoe combo their wife plans to wear on their next night out with friends? Or, would they rather have their wife do a quiet, sexy striptease, void of any child related banter, while the kids are stuffed in and strapped to their beds to prevent any interruptions...

OMG...I'm so immature...

Nah...this is just hella boring...

I mean...how many art & craft projects, pictures and posts, classes, parent groups, books can you read and playdates can you attend before they all become the same?

This mother next to me giving the tutorial on how to discipline kids and the 3 partially engaged woman are driving me nuts...

Don't get me wrong...I love my children....but there is so much more....

Forget it...no more justification...

I'm going down to the cafe for a latte.

Acceptance???

2010-02-17T23:34:00.001-04:00

Wow...it's been so long....

Considering that I started this blog as a way to sort out or vent about all of my SAHM feelings/thoughts, does that mean that everything has been okay?

Nah...just haven't had much time to write...

Still trying to live up to the SAHM ideals and quell my guilty conscience that makes me feel terrible that my husband works so hard to take care of the family while, I would (in between my freelance jobs) much rather watch The Doctors, Oprah, or any other talk show that has some juicy gossip or self improvement message than cook and clean or handle some other household chore...

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I had a very interesting conversation with my husband about my ongoing struggle with SAHMhood...

While driving home from the mall after a slight vent session he said, "You know what the problem is...you haven't accepted that you're home with the kids...that's why it's so hard for you..."

And you know...being the super introspective person that I am, I thought about it and came to...he's right...that's exactly why it's so hard!

I can never totally accept it...

I like...no LOVE...

Manicures/ Pedicures, time with friends, late night girl chat, emailing, texting, facebooking from my Blackberry, wearing non-mom clothing, black lace, red nail polish, high heels and doing anything that is unconventional...

Yea...SAHMhood is for the birds...where's my Cosmopolitan and New York Magazine...I'm sure there's an article in there about balancing the life as a SAHM and the trendy ultra-sexy urban life!

If You Have...

2010-01-13T00:26:00.001-04:00

30 seconds...give your kids a hug & tell them you love them.

60 seconds...select three pair of comfy undies that you will replace with three sexy pairs.

3 minutes...call your husband/partner and tell him you love him.

5 minutes...clean out and restock your diaper bag.

10 minutes...clean out and restock your purse too.

15 minutes...add your kids' backpack also.

20 minutes...plan this week's dinner menu.

30 minutes...clean out the car.

60 minutes...catch up on the latest episode of Oprah or any other favorite show that you've been saving on TiVo or DVR, while giving yourself a manicure, and having mindless chat with someone who is completely uninterested in talking about kids...yours, theirs or anyone else's, while reading your favorite gossip mag and enjoying your favorite glass of wine....we're master multi-taskers...and it is perfectly okay to selfishly use this skill on ourselves once in a while!

There May Be Hope For Us!

2010-01-13T00:02:00.000-04:00

So, I'm always looking for products to help preserve a bit of the lady that's now buried deep down inside...beneath the mother bit...

A few days ago, I found (on sale) at Duane Reade a new (or newly discovered by me) Speed Shine 10 Day Top Coat by Sally Hansen that promised to preserve my manicure for 10 days...no chips, dents, scratches, etc. It also promised to dry my nail polish within 30 seconds...sounded too good to be true but I'm a sucker for stuff like this and infomercials, so I'm on 5 days and no chips, dents or scratches!

It did however, take a little longer than 30 seconds to dry completely but it definitely dried faster than any other top coat I've used before; especially considering that it dried solid versus just on top.

I'll give you all an update when I hit day 10! But if you want to try it it's now on sale for $3.62 (in NY) which is a great price!

FOR SALE...TODAY ONLY...GET IT WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!!!`

2010-01-12T20:27:00.000-04:00

One 5 year old with the vocabulary and attitude of a 15 year old, one 10 month old with frequent requests that you don't always understand but that are all important and made while you're doing 10 other things, one husband, one small dog, one long list of to-do items, 13 Parent/Teacher or PTA Meetings, 296 small toys, 10,023 small toy parts that will make you scream when you step on them, 2 million crumbs, 23,001 temper tantrums, 23 remaining sleep overs, 143 more playdates, 3 doctor's appointments, 2 dentist appointments, 3 million small pieces of paper (including mail) to manage, 2 middle of the night cries (per night) for a bathroom trip or diaper change and one pounding headache...all for one American dollar ($1)...

That's right folks...all of this for TODAY ONLY...FOR $1!!!!!!!

Where Am I?

2009-12-10T13:04:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been struggling....

It all started well before last Sunday when my 5 year old daughter stood on her tippy toes, tilted her head, swayed her shoulders in a shake it senorita motion and said: "Mommy...you don't dress special anymore...that's why Daddy isn't treating you special. When I get older, I'm always going to take care of myself and dress special...so that way...all the boys will always treat me special!"

For a brief moment, I stood speechless and terrified that my daughter has this idea about such a complex topic which could mean so many different things about herself or her view about women in relationship to men at 5! But after talking it out to clarify exactly what she meant, I started to take another look at what's been going on with me lately.

My husband treats me great! He lets me know that he thinks I am beautiful, and says and treats me like he's still attracted to me...so that's not the issue.

I've been seriously struggling to recapture me before staying at home with two children!

I just can't figure it out?

It felt easier with one kid.

A part of it is practicality...

Another comfort...

Another exhaustion...

Another, the kids's schedules...

Another, my husband's work schedule...

Perhaps, I'm making a bigger deal about this than necessary.

With one kid and no stroller, high heels, great handbags, regular hair appointments, time for mani/pedis were readily available and cocktails with friends and clothes that antagonized breast-feeding were a no brainer...

I've got to find the balance...

Balance...where are you?

I've got to get this kid off my boob or clothing that prevents him from pulling them out whenever and wherever he feels like it.

I've got to get out of this rut...

Quick Hits 12.2.09

2009-12-02T20:02:00.000-04:00

Don't forget to watch the holiday claymation classic , Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer tonight at 8pm E.S.T (check your local listing for your area) on CBS. Since the the birth of my 5 year old, we've created a small tradition of making cookies (until she was about 3 years old I did everything myself) and watching this classic. It takes me way back to my childhood, are still so much fun to watch and my daughter looks forward to it each year!

Recognizing how monotonous the job of a stay at home mom/working mom/wife can be (maybe not so monotonous...)I wanted to share a website that I discovered that posts cool SAHM/working mom/wife things, i.e. work from home opportunities, recipes, fun activities with the family etc. I hope that you find something useful. Check it out at http://www.homewiththekids.com/

Coming soon...my Mother Knows Best! advice column where I will attempt to give counsel and advice to those seeking it! Now...I do not profess to be a therapist, psychologist or anything with M.D. associated with it but we'll have fun as I make attempts at it...

I welcome my readers to chime in and share their experiences or to share their thoughts with the writers!

Until Next Time....

Latwan

Why I Love Him...

2009-12-01T13:10:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I'm sitting here, having a real 80's baby moment, listening to Luther Vandross and re-reading my last entry. Although we've had some rough patches, I'm so happy and feel so lucky to have my husband. On Thanksgiving, over a glass of wine, I had a serious confessional at the dinner table with a good friend and sister-n-law while gushing all about how much I liked my husband when I was a little girl. (This is truly a journal for me albeit that it's public, so I'll bring anyone reading this up to speed...)

My husband and I grew up a few buildings away from each other. He a few years older than me (now only a few but back then enough for him to overlook me.) Anyway...I would always pass him on trips to the grocery store, or gaze at him for a few minutes while my mother chatted with his mother or any other random neighbor...and I always thought he was sooooo handsome. Back then, I would've never imagined that we would be married with two children and almost 9 years behind us and loving him for he loving me and our children more than words can describe, for carrying all of the heavy bags, being compassionate and kind to everyone, for making me laugh, for teaching me to worry less and have faith, for giving great advice, for being a great friend to me and others, for never letting a day go by without kissing our kids and letting them know that he loves them, for bringing in take-out when he realizes that I didn't cook (and would prefer not to), for working really hard to take care of our family so that I have the option to decide whether or not to be a SAHM, for growing with me over the years, for having the confidence to truly believe that he is the 7th missing member of the singing group New Edition, for teaching my daughter what she should expect from her husband and my son how he should treat his wife and family and the list goes on....

Opposites

2009-11-27T18:22:00.000-04:00

When I started writing, I said I would never post or share any of the intimate details of my marriage via Blogspot....that was until my husband made me MAD yesterday!

I spent 2 days (3 if I include today's clean-up), cooking and cleaning in preparation for our family and friends who joined us for Thanksgiving yesterday.

Due to the nature of his work, my husband had to go in for a couple of hours yesterday morning. As I was leaving to pick up a few odds and ends before our guest arrived, my husband arrived home. (Now, I know that its not easy working a full day and then helping with kids before you relax and whine down...but yesterday was what I would consider an exception.) So anyway...I met my husband getting off the elevator as I was getting on. When I saw him, with a mixed sigh of relief and exhaustion I said: "Oh thank goodness...I'm so happy your home. I'm going to run out and pick up a few things, but when I get back do you think that you could help me with the kids? I should be back in 15-20 minutes." He said: "Okay" and I thought he meant "Okay." When I arrived home 20 minutes later, what do you think my husband was doing? Out, replacing his cellphone! It wasn't until I called him to determine where he was did I realize that when he said "Okay" he meant "Okay, after I finish running my errands." At that moment, I was drunk with confusion and anger and couldn't decide what to say next. I seriously thought that my head would explode! I mean...I still had to do some last minute straightening up around the house (that of course was clean until two hours before everyone was scheduled to arrive,) get both kids ready, make three types of gravy and get myself ready....but my husband had to replace his cellphone!

At times it appears that we speak in opposites. I say "Can you help me put the kids to sleep?" and he hears, "You should go to sleep." Or, I ask that he helps make our daughter a sandwich, he hears "Go eat a sandwich." Perhaps, I should ask him to eat a sandwich when I want him to make one for our daughter, or ask him to dirty the dishes when I want him to wash the dishes...

We have these communication blips often and it makes me wonder if I make this SAHM stuff look easy? Or, does my husband finds it difficult and would rather avoid it?

Quick Hits

2009-11-20T12:39:00.000-04:00

Hello Moms -

As of November 2009, New York state has revised its child restraint laws. All children must remain in a child safety restraint until the age of 8 unless they weigh 100 pounds or more. Please log onto http://www.iihs.org/laws/ChildRestraint.aspx for more info or for other changes in states that you may be traveling to this holiday season, or if you live outside of NY.

I found this wonderful website that carries unique and hard to find bottles of wine called WinesTilSoldOut. Every day at 12 Midnight EST, they sell bottles of wine at 3o-70% off of store prices until their SOLD OUT! In addition to the great prices they ship your purchase for FREE!!!! You can become a member by visiting http://www.wtso.com/ and don't worry because membership fees are also FREE!!!!

With the economy making a slow recovery and my desire to have great high quality brand name clothing and accessories, I'll be heading down to the warehouse sale next week for Rosa Cha (whose bathing suits I love and can once again fit into...) Elisa Atheniense, Maria Bonita Extra, Coven and many others. The sale is located at 52 Walker Street on the 5th floor (between Broadway & Church) in lower Manhattan. Log onto http://www.hopstop.com/ for subway/bus travel info or http://www.mapquest.om/ for driving directions (although I would not recommend...parking is not easy to find.) The sale runs from today, November 20th - November 30th, from 11am-6pm (M-F) and 12pm-5pm (Sat) and sorry ladies...they're closed on Thanksgiving and Sunday. Prices start at just $5 for swimwear, clothing and accessories. Happy Shopping!

And just in case you missed it last night, log onto http://bfads.net/ for a jump start on Black Friday deals. Search your favorite stores or websites for price reductions!

Talk to you all next week! No blogging...the weekend is for family and MOMMY!!!!!!

Latwan

DON'T BYPASS THIS BLOG POST!!! BLACK FRIDAY DEALS!!!! CHECK OUT THIS SITE!

2009-11-19T23:32:00.001-04:00

Hello MOMMIES and ANYONE looking for a headstart on Black Friday deals...check out this site! You get a heasds up on Black Friday Specials at all of your favorite stores so that you can map out your shopping trip and budget your cash$$$$$!

http://bfads.net/

Happy Shopping!

Are You There God? Its Me, Latwan...

2009-11-19T01:36:00.000-04:00

I wonder if anyone else has that one person in their life, a mother, a sister, an in-law, or a friend, who they absolutely love, but who drives them absolutely nuts????

It's been 4 days and I finally spoke with my mother. While I was avoiding her, she was off throwing a silent tantrum in protest of a recent conversation. I called to check-in, to be sure she was doing okay and without thinking, mentioned that we are planning to hire a housekeeper. Why did I do that? Immediately she jumped in with: "I can't understand why some women can't keep up with their homes!" As if the months of deliberation wasn't enough. Did I really need her to reinforce what I'd been thinking for so long...that I'm failing if I hire someone to help around the house, despite the fact that I stay at home?! Thanks Ma!

My relationship with my mother is interesting.

In her world, she's perfect.

In my world, she's wonderful but imperfect.

So, I'll continue to pray...

Are you there God? It's me, Latwan. Please give me all that is good from my mother and let her keep the rest. Please allow open and honest conversations with my daughter as she grows into a woman and learns about life. Please make us both happy with the decisions she makes for herself and her family. And please, please, please provide us with focused conversations that do not journey off to the faraway land of "I Know What's Best For You!" That's where all of the well intentioned mothers live who believe they know what's best for their daughters' lives. I do not wish to take up residency there at any point in my life.

Thanks in advance for listening and granting my prayer.

Latwan

Desparately Seeking Validation

2009-11-18T13:01:00.000-04:00

How do you know when your doing a good job as a mother? Do your children tell you? Will your husband let you know? Are there clues and/or other signals from passerbys, in-laws or the like that let you know when your meeting expectations?

During my 13 year career, no matter what position I held, from Manager to HR Generalist, I always knew when my performance was a needs improvement, meeting expectation or outstanding. Job responsibilities were clearly laid out, feedback was free-flowing and continuous and there were some very concrete measurements that let me know whether or not my work was valued, i.e. a paycheck every week and a merit increase once a year.

Not so obvious as a mother. Throughout the day, I'm constantly surveying my environment and the people in it, my actions, thoughts and emotions for clues on whether or not I am doing a good job.

A couple of weeks ago, while driving home from a family outing, I asked my husband whether or not he thought I was a good mom? My husband who is usually quick, well-thought out and all-knowing of the right thing to say...was stumped. After a long pause and a 15 second mental scan he said "well...you should ask your children." At first it sounded like a good idea but then I remembered, that my 8 month old couldn't talk and my 5 year old tends to be a bit temperamental, usually accessing whether things are good or bad based on if they go her way or not. So, I was back at square one, but also wondering what did my husband think? Why couldn't he answer the question? I guess, I expected him to say, "you are a great mother" but he didn't, so now I'm wondering why didn't he? Does he question my ability as a mother as much as I do? What does a good mother look like to him?

Am I a good mother if I:

- keep an immaculately clean home.
- make sure that my children eat the healthiest organic products on the market.
- make sure that I use all green products - only natural ingredients - hold the dyes and fragrances please!
- make only wholesome homecooked meals each day served at the exact same time in the exact same order.
- maintain a tight routine of daily activities.
- attend every PTA meeting, parent workshop, outside festival, school trip, museum, and zoo.
- bake cookies and teach my daughter to bake pies.
- not cringe at my daughter's meltdowns during play dates.
- organize every play date and play date activity for my 5 year old and participate in mommy and me classes or reading with mommy at our local library once a week.
-didn't love paper plates, plastic serveware and juice boxes (100% juice of course) because they eliminated the need to do dishes.
-sing the alphabet, read The Very Hunger Caterpillar 5 times in a row, make animal sounds and funny faces no matter who's looking and laughing.
-make up words that are not a part of the English language but rhyme because they make my kids laugh.
-didn't have as many secret meltdowns as my 5 year old and her best friend combined.
-didn't envy my husband because he goes to bed before me every night and can enjoy his meals at restaurants because I'm on bathroom and diaper duty; or can always eat his food while it's hot and never eats the scraps off of the kids plates because of a lack of time.
-could remain completely engaged while my 5 year old recited every last detail of who used what color crayon to color what, who didn't color in the line during class, and all of the kids who were moved from green to red on the class' behavior chart, while attending to my 8 month old who is rolling around during a diaper change or wailing at the top of his lungs to be picked up, answering my husband's question about what's for dinner, or where one of his (fill-in blank here) misplaced items is, at the same time, making the mental note to take the dog out who is long overdue for a walk and circling like she's about to go in the house.

Well...are those the things that a good mom does?

On our way from school yesterday, my daughter described a new game that she learned to play at school called Mother and Daughter and it was her turn to be the mother. She describe in great detail what she did and why she was a nice mother to her daughter. It was really funny and cute but sadly, I also listened intently for any of my mommy behaviors that might help in my self-evaluation. She talked about going out to fun places, doing hair, dressing in pretty dresses and sharing. Was that my daughter's ideal of a good mommy? Definitely things that I do but isn't there more? Is that what she's extracted from the last 5 years together? What about the love, the discipline, the routine, the band-aids, late night bathroom trips, the morals and values we try to impart, or the care while sick, or the countless books we read, or the homework help?????

I read that children often act out what they see and experience, so I'll ask the question again...how do you know when your a good mom? Is it something you feel and know like love, or are there more tangible measures?

Mrs. Right

2009-11-17T14:47:00.000-04:00

It's been about 2 days since the last time I spoke with my mother, although she's called 4 times since then. My mom is great! She's beautiful, smart and funny, organized and meticulously clean, and has all the answers for the worlds problems, especially all of the things that I either need or should do to become a better mom and wife.

Once upon a time, my mother and I were inseparable living in the same apartment building, one floor away from each other. We talked about everything, we shopped together, laughed at the same jokes, and spent countless hours reminiscing about the past. I would say that we were the best of friends. However, I knew that we were growing apart when one morning she climbed down my fire escape because I didn't answer her call or the door. At the time, I was young and single and just started dating my now husband who stayed over the night before and just wanted a little privacy.

But then...I had my daughter five and a half years ago and boy oh boy how things have changed.

Nowadays, I set a mental timer on our phone conversations and often prepare a distraction before hand so that I can end phone conversations when she starts to remind me of all the things she did when I was small that would help me get my house and kids in order.

According to my mother I "should have all of this down pact, especially since you stay at home now!" I can't decide whether or not I'm most irritated by the timing, or if being a mom and now a SAHM is one of the most challenging things I've done so far. Usually her advice springs up during the middle of one of my 5 year olds' meltdowns, or when I make a simple statement like "I'm about to cook dinner." She will jump in and say "you should've had your dinner cooked already!" It doesn't matter if I make the comment at 5am or 5pm. If the comment is made at 5am, I should've had dinner done the night before, if the comment comes at 5pm, I should've been up at 5am to do it. If I say that my family is going out for dinner, she'll say something like "You shouldn't eat out. You need to make some cornbread for your husband and son," which always makes me laugh and say "WHAT???? What are you talking about? I don't have time to make cornbread!"

As I write this, I'm starting to think back to my childhood when my mother would get up at 5am to have dinner prepared and did have all of this mother stuff "down pact" but she was always tired and although she didn't say it, she wasn't fulfilled simply working and caring for her household which is the total antithesis of what I want. I want to take care of my home but also fulfill my personal goals in addition to the things I want to do with my children and husband. Slaving over a stove, cleaning house, changing diapers and washing clothes is just not enough for me!

If anyone knows of a nice single good looking man seeking Mrs. Right, let me know so that I can pass his info on to my mom. In the meantime...can someone send me the number to a house cleaner and some good take out restaurants in my area?

I'll talk to her in another 2 days!

Look With Your Eyes and Not With Your Hands...

2009-11-16T14:00:00.000-04:00

So, as a new SAHM, I spend more time than ever traveling around the city with my two children and I am always baffled and quite annoyed that strangers touch my children without my permission. In line at the grocery store, downtown or in my neighborhood, at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, at the museum or the mall...people feel comfortable touching my kids! Initially, I shoved off or snarled at anyone who would come within 3 feet of my kids, but it happens so often that I'm beginning to feel like it may be me???? I am not talking about a quick touch on the hand, I mean like, patting on the head caressing faces, pinching cheeks...what's that about? It's so bad that I now (even on days that its not raining) cover my son (who people touch the most) with his plastic stroller cover just so that strangers are not able to touch him.

Why do people like to touch other peoples' kids? I mean...how would they feel if I caressed their faces or pinched their cheeks? If I were a betting woman, I think they'd be freaked out and offended, so why touch my kids? I mean, I don't know where their hands have been. After working in an office with a shared bathroom, I've seen some pretty disgusting bathroom habits, such as not washing hands after using the toilet but shaking them off after coming out of the stall. I once overheard a female co-worker applying what sounded like some sort of feminine product in an adjoining stall and then left the bathroom without a drop of water touching her hands. Disgusting!!! Not to mention the gross nose and ear picking I witness everyday on the trains, in restaurants, or wherever or whenever someone thinks no one is looking.

I think the worst most recently, was someone rubbing my son's hair while examining my daughters' and asking the ridiculous question of whether or not they were my children...can you believe that? I was so pissed, that I snapped "keep your f!#$king hands off of my kids!" Completely out of character but I was so upset that someone had the audacity to touch my kids and then ask if they were mine!

It's happening so frequently that I often wonder...is it me? What would you do if a stranger touched your child? Vote in my poll.

What Next?????

2009-11-16T04:29:00.000-04:00

Okay, so its now 3:31 am, approximately one hour and 10 minutes since I've put my 8 month old down for the second time and I can't believe that I am still up. No one told me that being a stay at home mom or mother included being a complete insomniac!

Anyway, its been about, 485 days since I heard the words: "Due to a company reorganization, your position is being eliminated as of today. You can pack your things and go home." At the time, I was a few weeks pregnant with my 8 month old, so those words met a variety of thoughts and emotions. At first, I was really relieved because I had so much stuff on my to-do list (that I really didn't feel like doing), not to mention the annoying sensation of morning sickness and shear exhaustion from the first trimester,but I was also a bit excited. My cube mate and I had talked in great detail about what each of us wanted the next time around when we had children. She wanted to stay home with the kids, while I said that I wanted to work but also secretly desired to stay at home as well. During my chaotic upbringing, I was programmed that a woman should work outside of the home while also juggling kids and the household and anything less was considered failure. Anyway, so when I heard those words + severance package, I mentally kicked my heels up and rode out into the sunset of being a stay-at-home mom (hereafter known as a SAHM).

But now, here I sit wondering what the hell is next for me? Now, don't get me wrong being at home has been great! I've had the opportunity to spend time and reconnect with my husband and kids, relax during my pregnancy, make new friends start my own event decorating biz but I am still hungry for more...I just can't figure out what more is! Part of my insomnia comes from the swirling questions about what's next for me and my family. Do I continue to stay at home and manage the household with the potential sacrifice of reduced shopping, less eating out, shorter family vacations, no more special wax treatments at J-sisters or massages at Oasis, Old Navy instead of J-Crew, JC Penny's instead of Bloomingdale's or Saks, doing my own manicure or going to Pinky's???? I know, it sounds a bit superficial but I'm only a mom, not DEAD! Those are the small luxuries that I've worked for and must admit that I enjoy!

I love being at home with the kids. I realized there was so much I missed out on while working a full time job, going to school, managing doctor's appointments, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, etc. Now that I am home, I can spend quality time with the kids (whatever that is) but I find it harder and harder to manage a schedule and appointments than ever before. The lack of a full schedule and other's demands has made it hard to decide what to do with the next minute, hour, day, month...

Along my 485 day journey, I have met some amazing people in small coffee shops, supermarkets, bookstores and cafes who have imparted special knowledge (some of which I'll share in later entries). But the people and knowledge that I find most fascinating are the SAHMs who've stayed home over the years and learned to cope with all of the sacrifices that I mentioned earlier. But no matter how long they talk and are excited about "living without all those things" as they aptly labeled them, I just can't get comfortable. Am I being a brat? Am I superficial? Is this the life for me are all questions that I've entertained recently.

How have you managed to cope?