Where Am I?

Lately, I've been struggling....

It all started well before last Sunday when my 5 year old daughter stood on her tippy toes, tilted her head, swayed her shoulders in a shake it senorita motion and said: "Mommy...you don't dress special anymore...that's why Daddy isn't treating you special. When I get older, I'm always going to take care of myself and dress special...so that way...all the boys will always treat me special!"

For a brief moment, I stood speechless and terrified that my daughter has this idea about such a complex topic which could mean so many different things about herself or her view about women in relationship to men at 5! But after talking it out to clarify exactly what she meant, I started to take another look at what's been going on with me lately.

My husband treats me great! He lets me know that he thinks I am beautiful, and says and treats me like he's still attracted to me...so that's not the issue.

I've been seriously struggling to recapture me before staying at home with two children!

I just can't figure it out?

It felt easier with one kid.

A part of it is practicality...

Another comfort...

Another exhaustion...

Another, the kids's schedules...

Another, my husband's work schedule...

Perhaps, I'm making a bigger deal about this than necessary.

With one kid and no stroller, high heels, great handbags, regular hair appointments, time for mani/pedis were readily available and cocktails with friends and clothes that antagonized breast-feeding were a no brainer...

I've got to find the balance...

Balance...where are you?

I've got to get this kid off my boob or clothing that prevents him from pulling them out whenever and wherever he feels like it.

I've got to get out of this rut...

Quick Hits 12.2.09

Don't forget to watch the holiday claymation classic , Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer tonight at 8pm E.S.T (check your local listing for your area) on CBS. Since the the birth of my 5 year old, we've created a small tradition of making cookies (until she was about 3 years old I did everything myself) and watching this classic. It takes me way back to my childhood, are still so much fun to watch and my daughter looks forward to it each year!

Recognizing how monotonous the job of a stay at home mom/working mom/wife can be (maybe not so monotonous...)I wanted to share a website that I discovered that posts cool SAHM/working mom/wife things, i.e. work from home opportunities, recipes, fun activities with the family etc. I hope that you find something useful. Check it out at http://www.homewiththekids.com/

Coming soon...my Mother Knows Best! advice column where I will attempt to give counsel and advice to those seeking it! Now...I do not profess to be a therapist, psychologist or anything with M.D. associated with it but we'll have fun as I make attempts at it...

I welcome my readers to chime in and share their experiences or to share their thoughts with the writers!

Until Next Time....

Latwan

Why I Love Him...

Okay, so I'm sitting here, having a real 80's baby moment, listening to Luther Vandross and re-reading my last entry. Although we've had some rough patches, I'm so happy and feel so lucky to have my husband. On Thanksgiving, over a glass of wine, I had a serious confessional at the dinner table with a good friend and sister-n-law while gushing all about how much I liked my husband when I was a little girl. (This is truly a journal for me albeit that it's public, so I'll bring anyone reading this up to speed...)

My husband and I grew up a few buildings away from each other. He a few years older than me (now only a few but back then enough for him to overlook me.) Anyway...I would always pass him on trips to the grocery store, or gaze at him for a few minutes while my mother chatted with his mother or any other random neighbor...and I always thought he was sooooo handsome. Back then, I would've never imagined that we would be married with two children and almost 9 years behind us and loving him for he loving me and our children more than words can describe, for carrying all of the heavy bags, being compassionate and kind to everyone, for making me laugh, for teaching me to worry less and have faith, for giving great advice, for being a great friend to me and others, for never letting a day go by without kissing our kids and letting them know that he loves them, for bringing in take-out when he realizes that I didn't cook (and would prefer not to), for working really hard to take care of our family so that I have the option to decide whether or not to be a SAHM, for growing with me over the years, for having the confidence to truly believe that he is the 7th missing member of the singing group New Edition, for teaching my daughter what she should expect from her husband and my son how he should treat his wife and family and the list goes on....