Lately, I've been struggling....
It all started well before last Sunday when my 5 year old daughter stood on her tippy toes, tilted her head, swayed her shoulders in a shake it senorita motion and said: "Mommy...you don't dress special anymore...that's why Daddy isn't treating you special. When I get older, I'm always going to take care of myself and dress special...so that way...all the boys will always treat me special!"
For a brief moment, I stood speechless and terrified that my daughter has this idea about such a complex topic which could mean so many different things about herself or her view about women in relationship to men at 5! But after talking it out to clarify exactly what she meant, I started to take another look at what's been going on with me lately.
My husband treats me great! He lets me know that he thinks I am beautiful, and says and treats me like he's still attracted to me...so that's not the issue.
I've been seriously struggling to recapture me before staying at home with two children!
I just can't figure it out?
It felt easier with one kid.
A part of it is practicality...
Another comfort...
Another exhaustion...
Another, the kids's schedules...
Another, my husband's work schedule...
Perhaps, I'm making a bigger deal about this than necessary.
With one kid and no stroller, high heels, great handbags, regular hair appointments, time for mani/pedis were readily available and cocktails with friends and clothes that antagonized breast-feeding were a no brainer...
I've got to find the balance...
Balance...where are you?
I've got to get this kid off my boob or clothing that prevents him from pulling them out whenever and wherever he feels like it.
I've got to get out of this rut...
I have gone through this too, and my son just said something to me this morning that still has me bugging, he wanted daddy to take him to school b/c I'm too slow b/c I have a fat stomach! (I'm 7 months pregnant, you know the growth spurt stage)
ReplyDeletePart of growing and evolving into the woman you are is letting go of who you used to be and reinventing yourself, your a brand new woman with bits and pieces of the old you still hanging on a loose string b/c you have not let go or don't want to. It's (the new woman) still new to you and you are still evolving and its a shocker when our family and friends don't understand it and can be a little harsh in their judgement of us. Give yourself time, also it's part of being in your 30's I believe. We go through another transition period. Your still adjusting to being a mom of two and a SAHM, that is a lot all at once. Soon you will feel in your element again and things will be easier to deal with, because the older the child the bigger the issues, Lord help us all through those teenage years. Happy evolving and inventing the new and improved woman!
- Allow me to reintroduce myself . . . my name is Angela Bush!